it's one of those phases

[splinteredstar]

my depression is kicking up again.

I'm terrified of the new semester. I'm nervous about people. No one wants to hire me, possibly because I'm a fundamentally worthless person with nothing to offer anyone. Every time I try to get ready for school or work or whatever, I look at how utterly unprepared I am and how much stuff I should do or should have done three weeks ago and my hands start shaking, my breath goes unsteady. I feel like a pot just about to boil. So I distract myself, but that just means I put it off and that doesn't help any.

And I can't even write, because I'm so detached from everything I can't tell if anything I write is good or not. I can't register the faint pleasure of "this works" or "this is good." 

I'm not sure what to do. It won't last forever - it never does - but I still have to live through it until it fades.
 

Comments

[edmondia]

Deep breaths. Take it one day at a time. Remember it's your brain chemistry mucking you up, it's not you. You're lovely, and you can manage.

[splinteredstar]

Thanks. *massive hugs* Usually it's easier to remember that, but every now and then my brain chemistry gets really loud.

I'm feeling better now. It wasn't a good week, but I survived.