Raving mad and somewhat slightly dazed

About time I post more than a paragraph, eh?

Less than a week until the next semester. Actually rather looking forward to it. I miss friends and being able to wander around and trading snark with my Latin teacher. I miss learning stuff. Not looking forward to this homework thing but other than that…

Speaking of college. Went to buy books today. Apparently not one but *two* of my profs neglected to tell the bookstore what texts they were using, so the bookstore didn’t have any idea what books to order. So they didn’t. So if the class *does* have a textbook, I may have to buy it online, which means I can’t use student loan money for it. Because my profs didn’t do their paperwork.

Well done, professors. I am Not Impressed.

Next, NaNo. I have tentatively titled it “A Fog that Never Fades” which is totally wrong but fuck it, I don’t care at this point. I’m tired of calling it “That NaNo thing.”  I am… almost done with the first draft. Like. Within a few k. I’ve got a half-page worth of outline left of plot, and then a few epilogish ideas. I might even finish it this week.

It feels weird.

I’ve *never* finished a long story. I’ve never even gotten close. I’m not nervous, just… bewildered, I guess? Bewildered and unsure and confused about what the next step is. I actually like the draft, mostly, which is surreal enough as it is that I want to throw the draft at people so I can check that I’m not completely insane. Maybe it actually broke me this year…

By the way, would anyone be interested in reading it? *bright smile* I haven’t decided if I want to post it or not.

 

…I think that’s enough for tonight. Have more rambling but that’ll fit better elsewhere, I think.

 

S

10k!

Finally! 

I'm getting a little creeped out by my lead! He's ending up a lot closer to sociopath than I had intended! But the rest of the characters are working out rather nicely, actually. Need to get back to Michael, I think... Not sure if Death will Have a Word with him or not. Death doesn't need to, but he might anyway. Death likes keeping loose ends tied off.

Hmmz. That might be where things go next, actually...

*considers* 

How're all of you? 

50,029 words.

...holy fuck on fucking fuck.

I actually did it.

I. Woah.

...give me a few, and I'll ramble about what's going on. Right now, I'm just. Woah.


S

I think I have written myself into a corner. And my plot just rearranged itself retroactively in my head - and what I actually wrote down is not what I would need to have.

And to top things off, I'm a day behind because I've not only written myself into a corner, I've written (and generally worked) myself into exhaustion.

And I have an exam Monday. And a paper, two debates that I'm freaking out over just thinking about, a bibliography all on either Monday or Tuesday.

And I'm pmsing.

...*curls up in corner* *snuggles plush*

Ten days and sixteen thousand words in.

I am Not Dead. Yet.

Though it occasionally feels like it.

I think I'm going to do NaNo this year.

I know, this isn't smart. Not during my first semester of college. Not when I'll be studying for exams. Not when I'm still adjusting to the social change. I'm probably going to either fail or burn out.

But I want to do it. I really want to, but I'm afraid. Which makes me want to do it even more. It's like Yuki from Fruit Baskets joining the Student Council. I want do to it *because* I'm afraid.

Fuck you, Fear.

I'm not doing this purely to conquer my fear, mind you. This year...maybe it's the mind-opening of college. Maybe it's the way I've been pushing myself this year. But I really want to do NaNo this year, and if I don't I'll feel like I'm chickening out.

I even know what idea I'll be using. Either EMET (sort of Jewish Mythology - steampunk mashup) or possibly Freecloud (which is me stringing old David Bowie songs into a story) I'll spend all of October organizing my thoughts, and hopefully I'll be ready. (And yes, flist, you'll get to listen to all my rambling if if you want.)

It's not wise, and it won't be easy.

But I'm going to do it anyway.