it's one of those phases
Aug. 19th, 2014 01:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
splinteredstarmy depression is kicking up again.
I'm terrified of the new semester. I'm nervous about people. No one wants to hire me, possibly because I'm a fundamentally worthless person with nothing to offer anyone. Every time I try to get ready for school or work or whatever, I look at how utterly unprepared I am and how much stuff I should do or should have done three weeks ago and my hands start shaking, my breath goes unsteady. I feel like a pot just about to boil. So I distract myself, but that just means I put it off and that doesn't help any.
And I can't even write, because I'm so detached from everything I can't tell if anything I write is good or not. I can't register the faint pleasure of "this works" or "this is good."
I'm not sure what to do. It won't last forever - it never does - but I still have to live through it until it fades.
I'm terrified of the new semester. I'm nervous about people. No one wants to hire me, possibly because I'm a fundamentally worthless person with nothing to offer anyone. Every time I try to get ready for school or work or whatever, I look at how utterly unprepared I am and how much stuff I should do or should have done three weeks ago and my hands start shaking, my breath goes unsteady. I feel like a pot just about to boil. So I distract myself, but that just means I put it off and that doesn't help any.
And I can't even write, because I'm so detached from everything I can't tell if anything I write is good or not. I can't register the faint pleasure of "this works" or "this is good."
I'm not sure what to do. It won't last forever - it never does - but I still have to live through it until it fades.
