Raving mad and somewhat slightly dazed

First reaction was this: 

…so, at my new job.

In the Engineering department, where I work, there is a men’s bathroom is 12 feet from my desk.

The only women’s bathroom, on other hand, is down a flight of stairs. Next to the secretaries and hr.

Well then.


with the tag "is this what they call institutionalized sexism"

edmondia responded, " Yes it is. Perhaps this should be pointed out to people."

My mother, who for the record is far more conservative than I, described it as “presumptive” which I thought was a nice polite way of putting it.

She also advised me that perhaps I shouldn’t bring it up my first week on the job, which while irritating is kind of valid. There’s no point in raising the issue when I’ll just be ignored. I will bring it up, once i’ve built up some credibility.

hahahaha so today.

manager (male) and coworker (female, one of three on the floor) were chatting in the cubicle next to mine. manager was telling a story. story went like this:

His girlfriend didn’t like that he went out without telling her, so she called the police and said that he beat her. he then said, and I quote, “and police always believe the woman, especially in a small town.” then female coworker replied that yeah, she hated girls who did that and went on to talk about a guy she knew that couldn’t have beat his girlfriend, because he was so nice.

and then my brain made the record scratch noise and  i put my headphones so I didn’t have to listen any more.

 

An aside on white privilege: it took me three minutes to notice there were three girls in the office. it took me three days to realize that everybody was white.




nothing quite that awful has happened since, but there's still a pervasive aura of it

 

eeeeeee

terrified. excited, but terrified.

My dog, my little furry monster who I love to pieces, has managed to injure himself.

We're not sure how. We're thinking he's pulled a muscle, or possibly injured his hips. He's having trouble walking, sometimes. He'll be fine and then he'll freeze up in pain. The vets were all closed for the holidays but we'll probably take him in tomorrow.

One of the pain instincts of dogs, apparently, is to hide. Find a nice safe cave and hide out. Well, there are not any caves in the house, so Kit has been improvising. So far we've found him underneath the end table, inside of a closet, behind the tv stand, behind the toilet, and just now, in the back of the pantry behind several heavy containers. I'm not sure how he managed that one without phasing through objects.

I hate that he's in pain. I just want to fix it, and take it away. I hate him suffering. But I am a little impressed.

Will update later with news.

edit: aaaand i dropped my laptop on its side. the side with my flash drive in it. my flash drive exploded.
I got everything off it and will replace it tomorrow.

Today, why.

so i've been in contact with my new job.

they're not willing to work around my class schedule.

and there are no classes I can take during the hours I wouldn't be working.

.....fuuuuck

I want this job. Do I want it enough to completely fuck over my classes next semester?

I'm going to talk to my adviser soon. In the mean time, panic attack.

...but only sort of.

got an email back from the place in interviewed with last week. they said no.

my financial aid got fucked up, and before I can register for the spring I owe a little over 3grand.

At least I got better grades on my tests this time.

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW

commence flailing

First things first: this week was long and awful. Period started, homework kicked my ass, and sleep occasionally didn't happen. Though that last part was kind of my own fault, as I have a love-hate relationship with horror stories.

One day I'll learn, but apparently not yet.

I finished coloring a picture. I just haven't scanned it yet. it worked out well, I think. Used the horrible line art to my advantage. The lovely princess managed to not have any eyes drawn in. So I of course assumed she was a hell beast assuming human form and gave her red eyes. Will scan it...later. When I haul my scanner out.

The capstone of this week was yesterday. I had volunteered to help with the opening of the new engineering lab building, not really knowing what that implied. It lasted longer than anticipated. I got there at one and we were finished a bit after four. I showed up, got my tshirt, and managed to put it on backwards. One of my professors talked to me for five minutes without telling me I'd done so. (Thanks, prof.) 

After I fixed that, I was basically a booth babe. I hung around the machines and explained what some of them did - lathes to be exact - and made conversation. Was briefly interviewed for the student paper. Talked to random people about the building, which is admittedly pretty snazzy, and classmates who wandered by. Managed to not make complete fool out of self.

Then as I was leaving, one of the tents for the event, which apparently hadn't been tied down... caught the wind, and went flying.

Into someone's car.

I thought "oh, well, shit, I should probably see if I can free that car," so I did.

The person who owned the car was close behind me, so we managed to get the tent off. And he discovered that his car had been scratched up, as that is what happens when it gets attacked by carnivorous tents. (Though the tent got the worst of it, with some of its supports sheered in half.) Then we hung out considering what to do, because fuck if he was going to pay for fixing his car. So we called security to file a claim, and I stuck around as a "yeah this totally happened" witness.

So that was exciting.

And then I was tired and grumpy and overheated, and glooped around in my room for a while. Relaxation was aided with a cup of tea with some pear vodka mixed in, and I set to writing. Only managed a bit, and then got distracted.

Then, after a while, I realized what I had started doing. Being slightly drunk is nice, relaxing and letting me forget the pressure I feel sometimes. A brief period of time when nothing matters, and it's incredibly tempting.

It is also a dumb fucking idea. 

I have way too many alcoholics in my family and too much familiarity with my own brain to want to go down that path. Catching myself thinking that alcohol is a release, or a way to write, or even a way to help me sleep - I don't want to go there.

I poured out the rest of the bottle, and I'm not going to be buying more.

So, this week in summary: miserable with good decisions made anyway.

I got a B in calc 2. Woot!

I am drinking beer for the first time. I don't think I like beer. Idk. Maybe it'll grow on me.

Short story is in progress. I was stuck for a while but then I got frustrated and grumpy and drank hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps in it until I could write again. Not particularly pleased to have resorted to that, but hey, it did work.

Yay, being legal to drink.

Monday was a shit show. I was planning on calling one of the places I applied to, so I could follow up on it. But I ended having a panic attack before I could even call the number. And while I was in tears on the couch, my mom chooses this moment to bring up therapy. Which is an idea that makes me freak out in the first place. So I stomps off and end up saying some very stupid things to my best friend while I was flailing, and that ended up in a fight. (I've since apologized.)

I spent most of Monday in tears, and then I lost my house keys.

Don't worry, I found them the next day. On my car seat. Where I'd looked four times the night before.

Monday really shouldn't have been allowed to happen.

Fortunately, after that, things were bound to improve. (Though Tuesday wast mostly spent curled up a little ball.) I've gotten in contact with all my roommates and said hello. Sharing a room with a German student, which might be interesting.

Also I just mixed my beer with fruit punch, which helped. It's way too sour otherwise. It's like trying to drink wheat.

Yesterday I went out with best friend for her birthday. It involved wandering around pet stores with her being more knowledgeable than some of the people who worked there and me making friends with random people's dogs, attempting to find a decent cannoli, and raiding a bookstore and buying more books than I can really justify.

One of the things I bought was Codename: Sailor V, which is apparently a sort of pilot for Sailor Moon? I wasn't sure what the order was, so I briefly googled and that was the best idea I had. I have heard good things about them.

I think I am going to try cranberry juice next.

Also, classes start Monday. I am not enthused.

94/100

I am on bitches.

Was kind of worried about some of them.

...except physics isn't in yet because of Reasons. But I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that.