sometimes a sudden trip is all you can do
Oct. 19th, 2013 11:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
splinteredstarTRIGGER WARNING: this post discusses self-mutilation.
This week has been stressful. I briefly referenced this in a post when it happened that I later deleted.
My best friend... well, let me put it this way. Is there anyone you know, if you were left alone with them for ten minutes with a tire iron, you'd probably go to prison afterwards?
That's how I feel about her father.
Early this week, she mentioned how every one in her high school class hated her (I was in the class above), and her father laughed.
She told me she didn't even know why that set her off, but that night, she burned "ha!" into her leg.
She texted me afterwards. I didn't know what to do. What the fuck are you supposed to do in that situation? I told her she could crash at my place - she said that would just get her kicked out permanently. I asked her how it was bandaged, if it had been cleaned. I didn't know how else to react, so, cold medical response.
She texted me a photo the next day. And apologized for having done it. Said she didn't know why she had, because she thought she was stronger than that. She thought she wasn't that person any more.
I told her I loved her. I told her that she shouldn't apologize - sometimes, bits of your brain snap and they do damage. I told her the fuckers were trying to break her and I wasn't going to let that happen. I told her that she was brilliant and talented and that she was my pack mate, my sister, and no stupid shit that she did when she was in pain was going to change that.
I don't know if it helped any. But it was true.
The next day I told her about a therapist I know that does free work. She's said before that she would have liked to go, but she can barely pay for school right now. She said she'll think about it. Yesterday (after a week of watching my phone, being terrified I would find her in the hospital) I drove down because I knew it was her day off, and spent the afternoon hanging out with her. Wandering around stores and making fun of halloween costumes, trying to find drinks she liked. Then we went home and got drunk and watched iron man.
I don't know if that helped any, either. But I got her to laugh and I'd missed her and she said she enjoyed hanging out with me. So, I'm counting that as a success, at least for now.
This week has been stressful. I briefly referenced this in a post when it happened that I later deleted.
My best friend... well, let me put it this way. Is there anyone you know, if you were left alone with them for ten minutes with a tire iron, you'd probably go to prison afterwards?
That's how I feel about her father.
Early this week, she mentioned how every one in her high school class hated her (I was in the class above), and her father laughed.
She told me she didn't even know why that set her off, but that night, she burned "ha!" into her leg.
She texted me afterwards. I didn't know what to do. What the fuck are you supposed to do in that situation? I told her she could crash at my place - she said that would just get her kicked out permanently. I asked her how it was bandaged, if it had been cleaned. I didn't know how else to react, so, cold medical response.
She texted me a photo the next day. And apologized for having done it. Said she didn't know why she had, because she thought she was stronger than that. She thought she wasn't that person any more.
I told her I loved her. I told her that she shouldn't apologize - sometimes, bits of your brain snap and they do damage. I told her the fuckers were trying to break her and I wasn't going to let that happen. I told her that she was brilliant and talented and that she was my pack mate, my sister, and no stupid shit that she did when she was in pain was going to change that.
I don't know if it helped any. But it was true.
The next day I told her about a therapist I know that does free work. She's said before that she would have liked to go, but she can barely pay for school right now. She said she'll think about it. Yesterday (after a week of watching my phone, being terrified I would find her in the hospital) I drove down because I knew it was her day off, and spent the afternoon hanging out with her. Wandering around stores and making fun of halloween costumes, trying to find drinks she liked. Then we went home and got drunk and watched iron man.
I don't know if that helped any, either. But I got her to laugh and I'd missed her and she said she enjoyed hanging out with me. So, I'm counting that as a success, at least for now.
