squad fic: prequel trilogy part 5

[splinteredstar]

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Kylo has begun physical training with the Knights. Preparing them for what they could face, pushing their skills higher.

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It won't do them any good against Sideous, but it'll help them survive everything else

heyktula

(I'm so proud of Kylo for being generous and helpful even when they're being so shit to him, esp re his meds)

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Rey and Finn assist. Kylo uses a spare saber, kept at half strength. At least partially because no Jedi is willing to touch his

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His meds were approved, but now there is discussion on where to get it from, and budgeting, all of those things

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(Tw: the Jedi are bad at consent)

He's been holding back when he trains with the Jedi. Doesn't fight with them like he does his own knights

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And one day he wakes up and just. No. Bad idea. Maybe it's his fading medication, maybe it's just a bad day - even with the meds those still happen - but he wakes up and the inside of his head is too loud and too fast and he knows that he should /not / pick up a weapon today

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It's not as bad with the inhibitor on, but he'll take it off to train, and the moment he does....

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He's better now, he's better now, he is. Bad days aren't every day. He's better now.

Fuck, he misses hux.

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He forces himself out of bed, because they didn't give him a comm, so he can't just - tell them he's not available. He doesn't feel /safe/, and that's the worst part, the knowledge that he could destroy all of these people on accident.

In some ways it was easier with snoke. It was easier when he could say it was justified, that his rage was power, deserved.

It was easier when he didn't have to care about the aftermath. Or convinced himself he didn't care. Or something.

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He hates feeling like things were better with snoke. They weren't, they weren't, and he knows that, just...

Fuck.

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He rubs the marks on his hand, reminding himself of what he lost, of what he got in return. The ekkreth mark is familiar and deep

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He makes it to the training room later than usual. Mace frowns at him as he comes in

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Rey catches the look at kylo's face, his tells - he's fidgeting, tugging on his sleeves - and winces in sympathy. "Bad night?"

Kylo rubs his thumb over the marks on his hand. "Yeah." He looks over to Mace, waiting to unhook the inhibitor. "I - I can't, today. It's - yeah, not today."

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Mace crosses his arms. "Explain."

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Rey shifts, clearly ready to step in if necessary, but that's nothing new. Mace looks over Kylo - impossible to tell what truly feels, but he's also shown no talent at lying except perhaps by omission.

(There's a dna sequencing that keeps coming up errors, in a way that has happened before but only once.)

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Kylo is wide eyed, swallowing too much, fidgeting. Nerves, or something else. His eyes keep jerking back and forth, unable to settle. Withdrawal, or?

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"I - i told you, everything is," Kylo drags a hand through his hair, messy and missing its usual braids. He speaks faster than normal. "Everything is too fast and too loud and it's going to get worse the moment the inhibitor is off and i really should not have a weapon today."

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Mace frowns. "I was under the impression that the medication was to prevent this."

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"There are still bad days, all right?" Kylo snaps, mood snarling in an instant, "The meds just keep them from being /every/ day. I'm fucking -" he breaks off, tugging on his hair with one hand and squeezing his eyes shut. "And this is why I cannot train anyone today. I just came in because you all never gave me a comm."

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Mace narrows his eyes. This mood swing is alarming, but this behavior is more in line with what was expected of a darksider. "And what would you do instead?"

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"I don't fucking know, do katas until I pass out, probably." Another furious tug on his hair. "Usually I just hide in Tash's head until my own calms the hell down..." He adds in an undertone.

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Mace tilts his head. He has theories, and this is a fortuitous chance to test several of them.

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He has watched this darksider fight for two weeks now, and has seen nothing of the power that Vos and Kenobi reported. He is skilled, yes, and in impossible ways, but not as much as they assumed. They may have been caught off guard, or there is something else yet unaware.

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He does not consider that this darksider outstrips him in power and skill. it does not occur to him.

And so he says: "Spar with me, then."

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Kylo stares at him. "Did you not just hear me say I shouldn't have a weapon right now?"

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Observing, Obi Wan remembers a rock cracking behind him and thinks - oh, this will end badly. But Mace is the head of the Order, and master of them all, and Obi wan cannot bear to doubt right now.

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Mace just stares back at him expectantly and Kylo -

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-kylo is fucking /sick/ of this, of being treated like fucking scum even though he's trying to help, of them thinking they know better about him than he does when they fucking don't, of missing his husband and missing his home and being looked at like he's a goddamned virus -

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"Fine." He spits out, barely aware of Rey beside him, barely aware of his own snarl, of anything over the fury pooling in the back of his throat. and isn't it awful to know that it wasn't the force and it wasn't snoke that made him like this, nothing other than himself - "You wanna go? Fine."

 

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Okay. *cracks knuckles*

heyktula

Yesssssssss

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Kylo holds out his wrist, offering the inhibitor like a challenge

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To the side, Rey quietly clears people from the center of the room to give them room

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Mace undoes the inhibitor, and -

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- the pressure in the room shifts, the temperature dropping for a moment before spiking higher -

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Kylo Ren stalks away and with every step the air thickens, sharpens, crackling with ozone and and an impending storm. A sharp gesture sends his loaned lightsaber into his hand.

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Mace has observed kylo Ren for several weeks now, both in open and in secret. He has watched the man fight and train. He thought the man grim and quiet, skilled and dangerous, but manageable. Containable.

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This is - this is something else

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Once, as a young padawan, Mace was caught in a sudden thunderstorm. He remembers the pressure against his chest, in his throat, the sharp knowledge that /something/ was about to occur, the power cackling both in the force and out of it -

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Kylo Ren standing, his hand tight around the saber, feels like a storm about to break.

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Every moment the pressure increases, the taste of ozone deepens, the grip on his saber tightens. Air currents pick up around him.

"Draw your fucking weapon." He spits, his mouth in a snarl.

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Mace does. Having his weapon in his hand steadies his nerves, and he lights it with a flick of his hand.

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Ren lights his own, only -

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-The power surges -

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Ren had been using a lightsaber that had no owner. It had been outgrown or abandoned for an updated version, and left without a user. There were dozens laying around the temple for use as spares

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It was reliable, if not especially powerful, and had a green crystal in its blade.

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As he watched - as the power flared with ren's rage and his hand tightened - the handle shot sparks, and there was a sharp snap in the force as the green blade began to turn red

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A beat, and - Ren moves, and the storm breaks

-force, he's /fast/ -

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Mace had intended to gauge his skills, test his style, experience a darksider at their worst. But this - he struggles to keep up in face of it, in the face of the speed and the rage and the darkness, boiling out like magma -

-beneath their feet, the stone floor cracks and snarls up -

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He's - before he was angry - but now he looks like a wild animal, rabid and furious, more force in his blows than Mace knew he was capable of -

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- no, not an animal, nothing so conventional as that, nothing so physical, nothing so easy to control -

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Kylo Ren - his saber bleeding red and throwing sparks, his teeth grit and snarling - feels unreal, a nightmare of a man, too much power and fury in a body, a storm barely trapped in a human shape-

Mace has misjudged, and badly

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Mace is /exhausted/, and the stone underneath his feet is cracked and ruined -

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- he goes down, his grip on his saber broken -

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The red blade swings at his neck. He has enough time to curse his own stupidity and close his eyes

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(Rey might keep the others safe, but then again, will she?)

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- the killing blow dies not come. Mace can feel it, the heat of the saber and thrown sparks against his neck  - but it does not come

Mace opens his eyes and looks up at Kylo Ren.

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The fury is gone. The rage, the snarl - gone,  replaced by wide eyed terror.

Ren swallows, and his saber hand shakes, just a little.

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Kylo violently flings his blade away. It sputters and dies on the floor

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Kylo takes a step back, and then another one. His mouth moves, somewhere between an apology and a curse, and -

-he's bleeding fear, and it's all internal, all directed at himself, fear and hatred and -

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-another step back, and the force blurs around him as he flees the room

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(Not quite the end of the sequence, but a good spot to pause)

heyktula

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhb

Holy shit this is so intense I love it.

heyktula

Mace realizing that he's way underestimated Kylo but not admitting that he's made a mistake or backing down.

The kyber crystal reconfiguring itself.

Kylo, out of control - and then Kylo, pulling himself back.

(I'm very worried for Kylo right now.)

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Writing kylo as an elemental power is so goddamned enjoyable

Fun fact: he definitely murdered that lightsaber

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And worry is... probably justified tbh

His bad day is currently getting worse

heyktula

Yeah, this is a pretty horrifically bad day.

So, uh, maybe when somebody is like "hey, I can't" the appropriate thing to do is support them. Mace. Just saying.

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When they say "hey for your own safety and my sanity I'm setting a limit" YOU SHOULD RESPECT IT.

heyktula

EXACTLY.

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This time line is "star has Some Objections to the Jedi Order"

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There's one super ugly consent issue later on, but not quite yet.

heyktula

This does not surprise me, because Jedi Order.

Today at 11:39 AM

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Okay. *rolls shoulders*

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Kylo isn't sure where he ended up, just that it was - it was /away/, letting the force guide him to somewhere no one would be, no one who could get to close or get hurt -

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He slumps on a wall and slides down it, curling up on himself, making himself small. He hasn't been small in decades.

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His hands are shaking. He notices it distantly. Maybe everything is shaking, maybe he's shaking the entire temple to the ground, maybe there's no where they would be safe from him -

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He clenches his hands. The carvings on his arm are hard to see, and he can't bare to touch them.

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He's been doing so much /better/, he thinks, a little hysterical, a little desperate - he'd been doing so much better, accepting other people's needs and swallowing his temper, remembering to hold his strength back against the Jedi, /helping/ people learn how to protect themselves -

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- he'd almost liked the inhibitor, found it reassuring that morning, all of his power stripped from him - the memory of shattered windows and plates, his mother's worried face, his father's fear thick in his throat -

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He prayed as a kid to have this taken from him, this power too big for any one body, any one mind to handle, just so that he'd be /normal/ and no one would be afraid of him. But it never happened, and Snoke answered instead, told him it was a gift, told him he was destined for great things, that it was everyone else that was wrong -

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-and Snoke had taken that disparate power and turned him into a weapon, broken him into a snarling animal, a living storm that could never stop raging -

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- he's been doing so much /better/, being more than what Snoke made him into -

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The tiles on the floor are shaking, trembling in time with his breath. He digs the fingers of his metal hand into his flesh arm, but the pain doesn't help. Nothing helps

He tucks his head into his knees and screams.

(Um, if you're reading this all at once, when you scroll up tw for a panic attack and mild self harm. It got kinda harder than I intended)

heyktula

(it's all good! Tbh, I was anticipating this because this is exactly how I would feel in Kylo's situation and exactly what I would do to try and snap out.)

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(I have a lot of emotions about tiny Ben Organa)

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(I was a small autism spectrum child who couldn't figure out why I kept upsetting people or what made me so different from them, but I could tell it was /something/)

heyktula

(and that's so much to handle as a kid. Like, I'm sure it's a lot as an adult too, but as an adult with a diagnosis, maybe it helps to have a reason? As a kid, you don't really know anything.)

splinteredstar

(I'm working on it. Ngl, part of the reason for my intense kylo feels are because he is one of the ways I work on it)

heyktula

(I use writing to work through things too. It can be really helpful that way.)

And back into things....

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Mace dismissed all of the other knights, though Anakin refused to go.

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The Knights left muttering, shock reverberating through them. Rey and Finn alone were unsurprised. Rey stands, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

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She does not look shocked, or afraid. She is as steady as bedrock.

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"If you plan to apologize to him, I'll help you find him. Otherwise, leave." Mace looks at her, and then at the direction he thinks Ren fled in. The air is a storm of darkness that tastes like panic. He could find the source, and yet...

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He has erred, in more than one way. His mistake - arrogance, he can call it such in his own head at least - has damaged the relation with valuable allies and, he admits, upset someone that he did not need to upset.

It has been a very long time since he has made a mistake. Or at least, he thinks sarcastically in his own head, as far as he knows.

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(Perhaps the death of the Jedi were not due to the sith, he thinks, and he is shocked by the ringing of truth he can hear in the force - perhaps the Jedi brought their own fall on themselves.)

(Around the girl, shatter points glitter and storm.)

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"I do." He says, and feels a spike of surprise from anakin. "If you would?" He gestures with a hand.

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Rey nods, and then - she closes her eyes, and he feels what she does, but wouldn't be able to identify it. She touches the force bond she shares - and then there is an echo in the force, like radar. She opens her eyes again, and nods.

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He has not let himself think it before, but it is not merely knowledge of the future that these strangers bring with them - it is an entirely different way of experiencing the force. He has - much to learn, if he is to lead the jedi.

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"Come on." The young woman turns, and leads them through a circuitous path to an even more abandoned area of the temple. The darkness gets deeper, thicker, tasting like - ash and fear, broken glass and -

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- It takes him a moment to realize that Ren is bleeding his emotions out, that the flashes of old guilt and adolescent fear aren't his own. Mace - had already believed the man's story about a lack of teachers who could handle him, but this visceral sensation, the feeling of being out of control...

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Rey shoots him a look. It's vaguely accusing, or perhaps simply an annoyed instructor having to clean up someone else's mess.

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Rey stops in front of a door. It's jammed shut. From behind the door - darkness oozes with an almost physical presence, an oil slick across the floor.

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Rey leans against the door, palms flat against it. "Kylo," she says, and then shakes her head. The movement is almost fond. "Ben, I'm gonna come in, okay? Don't worry."

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Ben? Mace ignores that for now.

Rey pulls the door open, and holds her hand up for them to /wait/ as she goes in.

(Pov switch)

heyktula

(aaaaahhhhh I love this. Mace is actually gonna attempt to apologize. Like, fucking finally. And Rey is so great and I love her.)

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"Ben, I'm gonna come in, okay? Don't worry." He looks up to see his baby cousin, brilliant clever Rey, push her way through the tornado of darkness around him. He swallows, unclenches his hand from around his arm to gesture her back. He's not safe, she should be - "Ben, it's okay. Not even Snoke could make you hurt me, remember?"

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(Should mention that this is based on the head canon that Rey was the one survivor of the massacre at the temple, and that Ben spared her and dumped her on jakku)

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Kylo swallows, and then again - because it's true, and Rey could put him down if he was a danger, and - his shoulders loosen, just a little. He nods, and she gets closer.

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"You're bleeding," she says, and she doesn't sound upset or disappointed. He glances down at his arm. Broken skin, but nothing else. "Let me fix it?"

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He nods, looks away, and holds out his arm.

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He doesn't deserve the care she shows him, but that's nothing new.

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Her healing tastes like sand, feels like old grease and scavenged bandages. It's purely functional, and there'll be a scar there for a while. That's fine though.

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She pours a bit of energy in, to counteract the inevitable adrenaline crash, and then leans against his shoulder.

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He glances over at the door - and notices the destruction of the room, and the people outside of it. Rey looks over, and then waves them in.

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Mace enters, mindful of the wreckage on the floor. Ren looks - a mess, exhausted, the darkness softer but still very present. There is blood smeared on one arm, and new scars in the shape of fingernails.

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Ren meets his eyes, and there's a spike if alarm, of fear - "fuck, did I -"

Mace holds his head to the side and pulls his robe away to show his neck. "Not even a burn."

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Mace sits down on the ravaged floor, and inclines his head. "I - apologize." Ren stares at him, eyes wide.

A flicker of force flows between the two strange force users, and Rey elbows her cousin gently. "No, I did not threaten him."

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"She did not. It has been some time since I have made a mistake such as this, but I can admit it when I do. You expressed a limit, and I did not respect it."

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Sparks of surprise from obi Wan and anakin, but mace ignores them.

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"I apologize for pushing, and not believing you." Mace tilts his head. "I will... endeavour to do better in the future."

(Pretend I can write dialog)

heyktula

(no pretending needed, all good)

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Ren nods. His aura is still dark, but faded out. Exhaustion, most likely. "Yeah. Okay."  He pushes himself up off the floor, and shoves his hair out of his face. "I'm... gonna pass out now."

"Just like that?" Finn says, but sends a pulse of energy to support him regardless.

Ren huffs something like laughter. "I am the last person allowed to give anyone shit about forgiveness."

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Rey jabs him in the stomach, but he just huffs again

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"Do -" mace turns. Ren is holding out his wrist. "Do you have the inhibitor?" Mace raises his eyebrows. Ren swallows. "It'll keep me from breaking any more tiles, at least."

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A man for whom the force was as much curse as it was blessing, who relished the chance to be free of his connection to infinity. Before, mace could not have conceived of such a thing. He nods, and wraps the inhibitor around Ren's wrist

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"We can probably find one of those," Finn says as they start to head out. "One you can do yourself."

"Tash looked up technology once, we've - talked about it, just never..." a vague hand wave. "We can look."

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"Tash?" Mace asks Rey in an undertone.

"Husband." She catches his look. "Long story."

Aaaand cut.

Kylo passes the fuck out. Mace writes a very uncomfortable report.

I hope Mace is uncomfortable about that forever.

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Learning is uncomfortable

heyktula

And necessary.

I'm really glad that something so awful came around like it did. Kylo's come so far even just being able to have a conversation afterwards, even just letting Rey in.

splinteredstar

Had to have some angst, ya know.

heyktula

It was a logical outcome of the toxicity of the Jedi council.

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*whistles innocently*

heyktula

One of the things I appreciate most about the squad is how supportive everyone is of Kylo.

It's very comforting.

heyktula

It's not just "Kylo's like that", it's "Kylo's like that and this is how we support him"

splinteredstar

This is self indulgence on my end. Which means kylo gets all the support he needs.

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It's basically the recovery narrative that I would want and am almost guaranteed to not actually get, ya know?

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Okay. *cracks knuckles*

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Jedi training, a few days after the last bit.

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The room was repaired, Mace explained that he "tested Ren's Skills"

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Yoda frowns, but says nothing

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The lightsaber Ren used that day is completely ruined. The crystal is cracked, the wiring all melted. Ren just kind of shrugs.

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"Yeah, there's a reason mine is the way it is." He explains, rubbing the back of his head. "Only one that didn't short out when I used it."

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As training finishes up - anakin lingering, as he tends to now, to speak with Ren or Rey - Mace gets an alert on his comm.

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His reaction echoes through the room before he can smother it. Ren looks up from his conversation, and tilts his head

"Oh yeah, that."

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Mace stares at him. Looking at him, he can almost see it.

"Wait, what's going on?" Rey looks between the two of them.

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Ren waves absently at Mace. "They took a DNA sample when they took my midicholirian test."  He narrows his eyes a bit. "Surprised it took that long to sequence, actually."

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Mace very deliberately puts his comm away. "There were difficulties in sequencing." He glances between the three travelers. "I take it you knew?"

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Ren shrugs. "Yeah, but it's not like you would've believed me."

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Anakin looks back between Ren and Mace. "Wait, what's - a DNA test?"

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Then he pauses.

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He thinks of everything he's heard Ren say, and he knows

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His grandfather ekkreth. The Skywalker.

"Oh." He says, staring at Ren. His expression is complex, bittersweet and wistful. "....Padme, then?" Ren nods, once. "....I always knew I was going to marry her one day."

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Ren visibly swallows, rubbing his thumb over the ekkreth mark on his hand.

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"I - I've tried not to - make it weird, with you, you've got enough to deal with right now you - you don't have to deal with the legacy of someone you /might/ become -" he huffs a rough laugh. "You - don't have to consider me family, it's just," a vague hand wave. "Politically relevant, I guess."

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Anakin doesn't have to think about it. "You're still kin."  A shrug. "Cousin, or something, maybe?"

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Slave families get broken up. You don't always know how someone is related to you. Blood matters, but family matters more.

(Lunch break, scene isn't done though)

heyktula

I had a meeting and then came back and aaaaaaaahhhhhh I love this, I love Anakin figuring it out, and I love Kylo being gentle about it, because that's a pretty big shock.

splinteredstar

Kylo knows all about surprise relationships that change everyone

*everything

heyktula

And I appreciate so much that he's able to display empathy toward people. Like, poor Anakin, to have been hearing all these stories and then realize they're about him. It must be such a shock.

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Okay. Back.

There's a sudden - jerk in the force, a portal or a door -  mace grips his lightsaber -

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"Well, about time for me to introduce myself, then."

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- what

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The - man? stood transparent, tall and straight. Dressed like a jedi, but only almost. A scar across one eye, a saber similar to Rey's at his side.

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He looked - familiar, somehow

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Ren turned and his expression - he smiled, relaxed and open and relieved.

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"Hey, grandad."

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The figure - slid, phased through the air to Ren's side. Feet three feet off of the floor he ruffled Ren's black hair with a grin. "Hey, runaway."

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The adult, Jedi Knight, Anakin Skywalker stood in the air and looked around the room. His grin grew sharp as it passed over Mace's shocked face.

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"Where have you been, anyway?" Ren makes a casual swipe at Skywalker's ankle

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"I've been keeping /your/ asshole husband out of trouble." Skywalker shoots back, kicking at Ren's stomach, and then catches the on his grandson's face. "He's fine, don't worry. And so are poe and phasma. I'm just popping over here to say hello."

Across the room, obi Wan swallows, and tastes smoke and sulfur.

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(Whoops, manged my tenses a bit there)

heyktula

(yessssss confirmation for Kylo that his husband is okay, I wanted him to have that very much. Also, yay Anakin!)

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"Okay, so." Skywalker says, pacing in mid air. "You guys are working the Jedi to get them ready, great. Our side is working with some of the senators to get things ready on that end - your husband met your other, other grandfather, which was /incredible/ - and phasma is working on the troopers. We're gonna try and get a meet up arranged but it'll take some fiddling."

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The man is recognizably anakin, the bone structure the same, and yet, and yet - his aura in the force is -it is not dark, not as Ren's, but it is a chaotic mixture of light and dark, a mosaic, grey only in the averages.

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In the back of Mace's mind, memories of a prophecy whisper but doesn't quite know why.

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Skywalker pauses over his grandson's shoulder. "- I hate it as much as anyone kid, trust me, but try to keep the inhibitor on if you go out into the city. Somebody as strong as you and as dark as you will get depur's attention in a heartbeat, and that thing'll keep him from seeing you. He's already way too curious about Rey. In the shielded areas of the temple it should be fine, but..."

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Ren nods, rubbing the spot on his wrist where the inhibitor usually rests. "Yeah, of course. This planet gives me headaches."

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Skywalker snorts. "Fair enough." He pushes a hand through his hair. "Okay. Husband, updates, inhibitor." He counts off on a bronze-black hand. "Okay. Obi Wan - not that one - is gonna try and manifest long enough to give the full proper history lesson, but that'll need a full council and probably one of you guys," he gestures to Ren and Rey, "playing battery, so rest up."

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He floats down to look Ren in the eye. "You're doing good, kid. I'd say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but..." he grins, and squeezes Ren on the shoulder.

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He glances around, as if taking account. "I'll let the other side know you're all in one piece. Anything else?" Rey shakes her head. Finn mutters something about making sure Poe eats breakfast

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Skywalker smirks, and with a salute, the figure winks out

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Mace windu stares at the place he used to be, and thinks that this will be yet another awkward report to make

*scene end*

heyktula

Yessssss I'm so happy this happened!

heyktula

It gets some comfort for everybody that's split up this time around.

It shakes Mace up some more, it nudges Obi Wan to remind him that he needs to pay attention, that he needs to be more open minded.

It gives Anakin some family he didn't know he had.

splinteredstar

I'm actually... more than half way through what I have for this. It's really missing some chunks to be a complete story, but.

Also if it were a real story I'd have sorted out my pacing but ya know

heyktula

It's been a really entertaining story so far!

splinteredstar

I'm glad!

splinteredstar

I definitely /could/ make it a real story

splinteredstar

Just, ya know. Pacing and structure and massive cast and frankly what would have to be training montages

heyktula

You really, really could.

heyktula

Yeah, it's be a headache to wrangle.

But it's totally workable.

splinteredstar

Exploring interesting things at any rate

heyktula

Yes, it really really is.

You could write, like, a concept pitch as an intro to the series.

Just, like, establishing them as a time-trsvelling squad so you don't have to wrote the initial "what the fuck is happening" if you don't want to.

heyktula

.... Typos forever.

splinteredstar

Yeah, maybe. One day. If I ever have time

 

splinteredstar

Anakin frets over it for a few days, first over if he should and then how he would - but then he swallows, and asks Obi Wan if they can go shopping in the street markets of the city.

splinteredstar

Nothing illegal, he assures, but doesn't give any more detail.

Obi Wan stares, and thinks maybe he should - but no, he feels the force whisper, and nods.

splinteredstar

Anakin spends - hours scouring the markets, obi Wan a bewildered observer, as anakin goes from herb seller to herb seller, sometimes joyful and sometimes annoyed. He collects a variety of plants, all from the same region of space as Tattooine. Obi Wan gets the sense that some of them are substitutions, or rough analogs, but Anakin doesn't say what it's for.

splinteredstar

Anakin, in the midst of the market, bickering with shop keeps, looks natural in a way that he rarely does in the temple.

A Jedi who left the order, obi Wan thinks, and lets himself feel a bubble of grief before giving it to the force

splinteredstar

They'll have to talk about this. Soon.

splinteredstar

They return to the temple, and Anakin takes his purchases - down, towards the shielded areas of the temple where the travellers were staying.

splinteredstar

Obi Wan watches as anakin's force signature becomes - as they get closer to Ren's room, his mood shivers and wavers, between determination and nerves, circling around - the taste of sand, and a taste obi Wan doesn't recognize

splinteredstar

Kylo answers the door, somewhat bewildered from his expression, but lets them in

splinteredstar

Anakin shuffles in with his bags, setting jars on the small counter. "I - couldn't find everything, and I'm pretty sure some of them don't grow off of Tattooine, and I wasn't sure of the basic translation for half of them..."

splinteredstar

Kylo stares at the jars on the counter and realization crosses his face, followed by emotions obi Wan can't identify. He swallows.

splinteredstar

"....it's fine." Kylo says, carefully. "I - it's fine. I'll.... start a kettle."

splinteredstar

Anakin looks up, and he's so relieved that obi Wan feels it in his chest. He can't begin to identify what's happening, just that it's important, significant, and anakin nearly wants to weep from the sweetness of it.

splinteredstar

"It's - every generation tweaks it, right?" Ren says, awkwardly setting the kettle on. "...I know uncle Luke added a few things when he made it, but..."

Anakin grins, relief cascading through him. "Yeah. Sure. This can be our blend."

Obi Wan swallows, sharp and sudden. Ah. Family.

splinteredstar

He hesitates, and then - with a whisper in the force to Anakin, he lets himself out.

splinteredstar

Left alone, anakin and kylo smile awkwardly - not for lack of feeling, but a lack of means to express it, and assemble something that is almost the Skywalker family blend of tzai.

splinteredstar sent a post You said t...

(Wander through that tag for what I'm talking about)

heyktula

(wandering!)

splinteredstar

"Should we - Rey is your cousin, right?" Anakin says, mixing the spices. It's easier if he doesn't think about it. "Is she -?"

heyktula

(aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I love this and how you're incorporating it here)

splinteredstar

Kylo shrugs. "I mean, you can offer, but she's -" he waves a hand, trying to express the complexity that is his family. "She's adopted, and she never - like, she claims me as her cousin and Luke as her dad and mom as her aunt but she never - claimed you as kin?" Another vague hand wave. "She likes you fine, er, likes grandad fine, but - she found family elsewhere, I guess."

splinteredstar

Anakin nods, trying not to be disappointed. Family isn't a thing you can force. He'll ask her, later.

splinteredstar

"Finn?" He asks, carefully pouring the water. Out of the corner of his eye, kylo nods. "He's her -" something, he thinks.

splinteredstar

"Yeah, they're together. Even if they don't get married, and they probably will, they're always gonna be best friends."

splinteredstar

Anakin wraps his hands around the mug of tzai and takes a deep breath. It doesn't smell quite like home. But there is something of home, and something of where he is now, and he thinks he likes that.

splinteredstar

"You're married, right?" He wants to ask about his children, about the relatives he doesn't have yet, wants to knit himself into this sense of family that he'd convinced himself he didn't miss. But he'll wait until he knows the history.  Kylo nods, taking a sip of his own mug. "Tell me about him."  A smirk. "So I can decide if I approve of my grandson in law."

splinteredstar

Kylo's expression softens, turning wistful and soft. "He's - he's so clever, and sharp, and -" he smiles, eyes hazy. "He's amazing."

splinteredstar

They both settle at the table and spend hours there, sharing stories and endless cups of tzai.

splinteredstar

(And cut)

splinteredstar

Obi Wan is presumably off trying to understand his own emotions.

(Mixed success)

heyktula

That's such a big thing for Anakin and fr Kylo and it gives me warm fuzzies that they're patching together 'family'.

splinteredstar

It's a bit second hand, a displaced child of tattooine and a relative twice removed, but still.

splinteredstar

But yeah, I just thought of that this morning and had to get it down

splinteredstar

Kylo's connection to tattooine is a bit looser- he learned some from luke and some from anakin, but he came to the culture a lot later.

He's - not fully integrated, and he only claims as much as he's allowed. Not native to it. But adopted

heyktula

Yes, yes. It's still very sweet and a lovely thing that Anakin and Kylo can do together that may not have been possible in other time periods, if Kylo had come earlier or later.

splinteredstar

Yeah. Kylo just tries to be respectful and not appropriate culture he's not owed. (He tries to be better, now)

But it's still v sweet

And hey. Family is family

splinteredstar

And anakin just misses having family. Having culture. Having things that make sense and are meaningful

heyktula

Yessssss I want this.

heyktula

And that's one of the things that comes through for me strongest here - that Anakin feels very isolated and out of place.

splinteredstar

Snippet of the stories shared:

splinteredstar

"Tash... okay. So. When I was - when I was under depur, I - his dad had been an ally, I think, and so he ended up being one of the commanders. We were officially equals, but..." a vague hand wave. Words are hard. "He'd give us both different instructions, different priorities, and watch us fight it out."

Anakin nods. It's a tactic he's seen before.

splinteredstar

Kylo pauses, tries to figure out a way to explain "hate sex because we weren't allowed to kill each other" to his 14 year old sort of cousin

splinteredstar

"We...weren't allowed to get rid of each other, so we... I mean we always fought but we kind of..."

Anakin smirks.

"I'm a teenaged human, I know what sex is."

splinteredstar

Kylo buries his head in his hands, mortified

splinteredstar

"ANYWAY." Kylo coughs. Still his grandfather, no matter what. "We became...close. and eventually..."

splinteredstar

He sobers, rubbing the place his hand was lost. "When depur started to... break me, when I -" he shakes his head. "Tash realized it was happening, and he -" he smiles, remembering. "He betrayed depur, and got us both out."

splinteredstar

Anakin decides that he likes his grandson's husband.

splinteredstar

(Also ft squad stories and anakin talking about some of the people on tattooine)

heyktula

I love that so much - that Hux is the one that realizes what's going on, and that Hux is the one that saves them.

splinteredstar

*nod*

Hux suddenly sliding from "I will burn everything to protect the order" to "I will burn everything to protect Ren"

 

 

 

...though thinking about it they're all connected via some serious consent violations and the fall out therefrom

short version: so kylo has been at the temple for a while doing his best to help out and most of the jedi are more or less used to him

except for yoda, who is still convinced that he's hiding something 

so yoda tries to break into Kylo's mind 

 (knowing about snoke, mind you)

kylo throws him across the room in a panic, shatters half the glass in the temple, and bolts deeper into the temple 

yoda is moderately uninjured, considering what he pulled, and is surprised when he finds several jedi, Rey and Anakin among them, waiting for him with sabers drawn

 (Rey is not dark. That is the worst part,  he thinks later - in that moment Rey is not darkened. She is a pure and impartial sword of justice, the righter of wrongs and the defender of the vulnerable, with no room for justifications or excuses.  She is burning, blinding light, the desert sun at midday.)

 Iiii don't know about the immediate consequences, though they're probably messy. There are probably meetings involved. 

Kylo is down in a long abandoned training room, the tiles on the floor floating around him. Finn guards the door, keeping everyone out 

Anakin, that night, sits next to Obi Wan heavily. 

Obi Wan says nothing. he probably should punish his student for drawing blades on the grandmaster of the Order. He doesn't 

"....I'm going to leave the Order." Anakin starts, staring away. "I. I can't." He shakes his head. "I'll help you deal with the Sith, and maybe I'll stay long enough to be knighted, but." 

Obi Wan nods. Crosses his arms almost as a fidget. 

"Okay." He swallows. He breathes in, deep. "I..." 

Anakin looks at him, waiting. Obi Wan's hands clench, just a little 

"...There need to be qualified teachers of the Force." Obi Wan says, finally. "If for no other reason, than so that vulnerable children are not taken advantage of the way Kylo Ren was." 

Anakin nods, and Obi wan lets out a breath. 

"I... do not know." Another breath. This is difficult to say, or even to think. 'I do not know if the Jedi as they are now are those qualified teachers." 

His hands are shaking. He puts them firmly on his knees to still them

"However, I do not know what other options there are." He shrugs, helplessly. "There are other traditions of study, but... I do not know how to be anything but a Jedi." 

 

Anakin leans against his shoulder. "...You've done pretty well with me." He says, smiling a little bit, but then it fades. "....when I leave, will we -. can I still message you, and things?" 

Obi Wan stares at him. His heart cracks in his chest, overfull with things he has no name for, the language atrophied with lack of use. 

"I would be honored if you did." 

Perhaps it's not the proper thing to say, but in that moment, the Force sings and Obi Wan feels sand and age and pride. 

 

In the depths of the temple, a ghost sits in front of Kylo. The man is alight with fury but channels it, turns it into violent affection, promises of revenge against those who hurt him, calls him brave and powerful and undefeatable. he calls him shadowborn, calls him runaway, calls him blood of my blood and child of my child. 

 

the words don't matter. What matters is the emotion, is the defensive rage, the affirmation that your boundaries have been violated and that should not have happened. 

your mind is your own, your self is your own, you belong to you

eventually, kylo stops shaking. Finn helps him back to his room and heals the scratch marks on his arms

 

I think, after that.. Yoda.... doesn't quite understand what he did wrong. 

It wasn't gentle, perhaps.

But - the jedi's views about what constitutes ethical use of the force allow for such things in certain circumstances. 

 (which is a PART OF THE GODDAMNED PROBLEM THANK YOU)

 

I'm not entirely sure what political consequences there would be for yoda. he does get sense kicked into him eventually.

will post other bits if i ever write them

 

 

 

 

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