being a girl is dumb sometimes

[splinteredstar]

So there's a guy at work. I am about 75% percet sure he is flirting with me. Today he suggested lunch for all of the interns, but I am not suitable for social contact right now, so I turned him down. He responded something about how he hoped I would change my mind, and then before he left with the others he kicked the back of my chair to get my attention (I habitually have earbuds in) and tried to talk me into it again. And then afterwards told me I'd missed out.
I'm pretty sure he's flirting.
Now, 1. He's older than me, 2. He's a coworker, 3. I'm a lesbian. So he's so far out of the running that he's not even on the same race track. And his flirting is starting to make me uncomfortable, so clearly I should ask him to stop.
Except.
I feel guilty for the fact that he's flirting. I feel guilty for being uncomfortable. This is fucked up.
It isn't my fault. I'm uncomfortable and I have the right to bring that up. My comfort is not secondary to his ego. If he's a decent human being he'll apologize and stop.
But I don't have the guts to do it. Every chance I get I freeze up and shut up and shuffle awkwardly. I don't know how to say this. I feel guilty.

Comments

[veleda_k]

I'd really like to be able to give you advice, but honestly, I'd react exactly the same way you are. I don't know how to move past that guilt. Man, I'm so helpful. Just know that I get what you're feeling.

[splinteredstar]

Thanks. Isn't it great being awkward?

[serria]

Wow, I can understand your feelings almost to the mark. When guys flirt with me, even if they are being creepy, I start feeling this overwhelming guilt. And, okay, most guys really aren't creepy, but I immediately feel defensive, then bad about it. I'm not "out" with my sexuality - I don't hide it, but I think most people assume I'm straight and opportunity to actually say "I like girls!" is rare. But I don't know, flirting guys... I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting, especially the earliest, friendly stuff that is just talking, teasing, snide compliments, etc. I like to "flirt" with everyone I'm comfortable around, I just like the rapport. But if the guy is making you feel uncomfortable, that's not okay. You could try something subtle or an indirect show that you aren't interested, if you don't want to directly cut him off. Or if possible, make a loud statement in the office about how you don't want to do work relationships, etc. I don't know the situation exactly. Hope it works out. :(

[splinteredstar]

Yeah. It's a weird internalized thing.
I mean, honestly, if I knew he meant nothing by it, it wouldn't bother me. It's the "wait does he want something I can't give" that alarms me.

Honestly, we haven't talked much since. I hope he's gotten a clue.