Gratidute

Thank you, everyone, for your encouragements and peptalks and finger-waggings over the past few days. I need a solid kick to the face sometimes, and I appreciate people willing to give it.

I am feeling better now. Still a bit intimidated by this week, a bit of white hot burn in my lungs.

The thing is, really, I'm a bit ashamed of failing so badly, ashamed of needing help. It's stupid, I know. Pride's my cardinal sin, and it's not something I'll be able to train myself out of easily.

But I'm gonna have to.

Tomorrow I'm going to the tutoring center for help. Even if I'm not able to articulate it past "I keep fucking up and I don't know why." It won't be easy and I'll probably stare at the door for about ten minutes before I'm able to go in, if I can at all. And even then I'll be full of terror and flailing.

Will tell you about it. Hold me to it, got it?


S