Musing on revenge

We talked about revenge in one of my classes today.

Revenge... is kind of a strange idea to me. It's weird. It doesn't quite make sense to me - I don't understand the idea of 'paying someone back'. I only lose something if I let them - otherwise, shit happens, move on.  It doesn't make me feel any better - hell, it'd just make me guilty. Mostly.

....I guess for me the main problem is that I worry. I worry about what would happen if I allow myself to indulge in revenge. I'm not a nice person, and I think like a criminal. It's just a fact - I walk into a room and I look for security cameras. I look at the items on my desk and I can figure out how to kill or seriously injure someone with all of them. I have the potential to be a horrible person, and to be Really Good at it.

That's why I've always avoided revenge, I guess. Because I'm a little bit afraid of myself and what I would be capable of - I don't want to give myself an excuse to hurt anyone, because I feel like an excuse is all I would need to go off the deep end.

It's weird. *shrug*


S