Apr. 13th, 2016

splinteredstar: (Default)
...god in heaven, why do I get an anxiety attack like it's my job to fix the entirety of fandom.

so my otp happens to fall into Unfortunate Fandom Trend X. OP was explicit that there's nothing wrong with liking the ship, it's the pattern that's bad. And it's a real pattern, i know it is.

I talk about the female and poc characters and support works featuring them. I hardly ever blog about my otp in that fandom. Hell, I don't even /write/ in that fandom.

so why the hell do i feel so awful now? why do I feel guilty, as if I am personally responsible for Unfortunate Fandom Trend X and have been remiss at fixing it? Why do i feel like i've been gut punched at the slightest hint that I'm Doing Fandom Wrong, that I'm not enjoying it the way I'm Supposed To?

(If I were a good person, I'd be interested in the right characters, identify with the people I'm supposed to. I can't be the person I'm supposed to be. I've tried.)

Maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I'm too sensitive, too sheltered, take things too personally. But I don't know how to /stop/.

I don't know how to be better than I am. I don't know how to fix the problems I want to fix, I don't know how to help more than I already am. Would being better even fix it, or would I just find something else to feel terrible about? 

....well, writing this out helped me feel better, at least.



edit: and the person on tumblr who inspired this has said they will tag ranting in the future, because they are a very nice person. so that will help

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