WARNING: Sex talk

[splinteredstar]

If only briefly.

I just finished a collection of s&m short stories a sub I know recced to me.

I spent the last couple of hours ranting about the butch/femme paradigm that I don't fucking fit on, how rape fantasies fucking terrify me as a dominant, why I'm terrified to be a dominant because some people think it means abuser and I don't want to go that way , how Stockholm's syndrome is not healthy, love, or s&m and it's fucking annoying and terrifying to see it presented as such, and just generally having a psycho-sexual meltdown. (saint_archie , the wonderful and amazing person he is, got to witness most of this., and helped me through the ranting.)

I'm pretty sure that was not the intention of either the book or the recommendation.

Fucking hell. Sex is too fucking complicated.

Comments

[serria.livejournal.com]

I gotta admit, as a kink, I love S&M, bondage, and even rape fantasy. At least in fanfiction. I like a lot of things in fantasy-land that would make me vomit at the thought of doing in real life... lol.

I don't really fit into butch/femme either, I think. Err, I guess I'm femme, if anything, but I don't know, I also like to think of myself as pretty dominant.

Thinking about this stuff only makes it worse. You feel how you feel, and you're comfortable with what you're comfortable with! Analyzing and justifying won't change your feelings in the end, I think.

[starsplinter.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but the problem with rape fantasies is that it requires someone to be a rapist. As a dominant, that would be me. I'm not comfortable with that, and I'm not comfortable with the thought that it might be kind of appealing. That fucking terrifies me.

I have to analyze my feelings though, or else I'm just going to keep tripping up over them and getting mired in these bogs of self-loathing and confusion. Even if it doesn't change what I feel, knowing why I react the way I do is my responsibility as a self-aware human being and (I think) especially as a dominant.


You're more of a dom? Pity. You'd be cute collared. *wink*

[serria.livejournal.com]

:D I find both sexy. I have to admit, the thought of being tied up and someone having their way with me is really fucking appealing. But I wouldn't mind tying someone up, either. ;) I'm versatile! hehe.

In theory, anyway. I've only done very light bondage play in real life. >< Unfortunately. I'm only talking about my tastes in porn. :P

[starsplinter.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's part of the problem of this - it's all theoretical, and it's hard to predict how it's going to turn out until I put it under the acid test of a real situation. And I guess I'm always terrified of the monsters locked in the back closet of my psyche.

...sex is complicated.