splinteredstar | (no subject)

...god in heaven, why do I get an anxiety attack like it's my job to fix the entirety of fandom.

so my otp happens to fall into Unfortunate Fandom Trend X. OP was explicit that there's nothing wrong with liking the ship, it's the pattern that's bad. And it's a real pattern, i know it is.

I talk about the female and poc characters and support works featuring them. I hardly ever blog about my otp in that fandom. Hell, I don't even /write/ in that fandom.

so why the hell do i feel so awful now? why do I feel guilty, as if I am personally responsible for Unfortunate Fandom Trend X and have been remiss at fixing it? Why do i feel like i've been gut punched at the slightest hint that I'm Doing Fandom Wrong, that I'm not enjoying it the way I'm Supposed To?

(If I were a good person, I'd be interested in the right characters, identify with the people I'm supposed to. I can't be the person I'm supposed to be. I've tried.)

Maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I'm too sensitive, too sheltered, take things too personally. But I don't know how to /stop/.

I don't know how to be better than I am. I don't know how to fix the problems I want to fix, I don't know how to help more than I already am. Would being better even fix it, or would I just find something else to feel terrible about?

....well, writing this out helped me feel better, at least.

edit: and the person on tumblr who inspired this has said they will tag ranting in the future, because they are a very nice person. so that will help

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out of curiosity, what ship is this? i THINK i know, considering a few things, and if it is, i kind of like it too, for various reasons, though not in a romantic sense.

it's Kylux from SW:TFA - that is, Kylo Ren/Hux. I don't know if you're ship it? Apparently it's the biggest pairing in the fandom now, and someone was like "okay shipping is fine but you found the /only young white guys in the entire movie/"

and i know that erasure of women and poc in shipping is a thing, and i know it's important to talk about! it's just that i have the knee jerk reaction of OH GOD I AM SINGLE HANDEDLY RUINING FANDOM BY NOT SHIPPING THE RIGHT THINGS

which is dumb, and I know it's dumb, and OP was explicit that being invested in a ship is fine and they didn't intend to hate on the ship. and i know that it's logistically improbable for me to be personally responsible for all of the unfortunate trends in fandom, but my brain is dumb and sometimes very loud.

I WAS THINKING OF A DIFFERENT SHIP OMG I AM OFFICIALLY TRASH though i casually ship this one too because the comics i have seen are hilarious.

though my guilty pleasure ship also falls under a Bad Pattern, though, i must say again, i don't ship it in a romantic sense so i don't think about it and won't really care if it gets sunk anyway because it is better that way xD