Oh, hey, yeah, let me properly comment before Michael Kovak locks me in a confessional booth with only my laptop and my charger.
...trying to find one that fit this steel-and-crystal young man with a soul like a supernova.
I'm not entirely sure why, but that was my favorite line from this fic. The imagery it carries with it is powerful, and you know how much I absolutely love good imagery. Bravo. And while on the subject, Kaiba is as rigid and awkward as I expected him to be, and his dismissal of Dimitri was terse and offhand and I could feel the coldness in the dialogue. Perfect.
...even if their attention was split by the critical mass of attractive men in the vicinity.
Pahahaha, attractive men indeed. Well done.
Mokuba was written well. I can't say much about whether or not he was in character because the majority of this was you channeling Sebastian's pedophiliac ways, but he rang through nicely, as adorable as always. And the way you described him had me giggling. I liked the contrast between how innocent he looks on the outside, and his inner strength. People tend to forget that while, yes, Mokuba is very cute and chipper and all that, he happens to be a Kaiba.
There's not much to say about Dimitri. You already know what I thought about him.
Sebastian was intriguing. Being in his head is a weird place, so I applaud you for taking that challenge on. He felt a little awkward to me at the beginning, but even as I reread, I cannot precisely tell you what struck me as being slightly off. (It's probably what happened with you and my take on Agni in my fic; we probably filled our fanons differently, since there is only so much canon to go off concerning Sebastian.) It does nothing to ruin the integrity of this piece, so don't worry about it. By the end you seemed to have gotten more comfortable with him, and it flowed smoothly from there. His analysis of Mokuba was spot-on. The ending was solid; I couldn't have asked for a better one.
no subject
I'm not entirely sure why, but that was my favorite line from this fic. The imagery it carries with it is powerful, and you know how much I absolutely love good imagery. Bravo. And while on the subject, Kaiba is as rigid and awkward as I expected him to be, and his dismissal of Dimitri was terse and offhand and I could feel the coldness in the dialogue. Perfect.
Pahahaha, attractive men indeed. Well done.
Mokuba was written well. I can't say much about whether or not he was in character because the majority of this was you channeling Sebastian's pedophiliac ways, but he rang through nicely, as adorable as always. And the way you described him had me giggling. I liked the contrast between how innocent he looks on the outside, and his inner strength. People tend to forget that while, yes, Mokuba is very cute and chipper and all that, he happens to be a Kaiba.
There's not much to say about Dimitri. You already know what I thought about him.
Sebastian was intriguing. Being in his head is a weird place, so I applaud you for taking that challenge on. He felt a little awkward to me at the beginning, but even as I reread, I cannot precisely tell you what struck me as being slightly off. (It's probably what happened with you and my take on Agni in my fic; we probably filled our fanons differently, since there is only so much canon to go off concerning Sebastian.) It does nothing to ruin the integrity of this piece, so don't worry about it. By the end you seemed to have gotten more comfortable with him, and it flowed smoothly from there. His analysis of Mokuba was spot-on. The ending was solid; I couldn't have asked for a better one.
Thank you for this. ♥