splinteredstar | squad fic: misc

there's another timeline of this, but i'd have to find references and i honestly haven't had time. So instead, have the misc file: bits of dynamic, snippets of context, A Holiday. If this were an anime these would be the slice of life episodes.

Ft a lot of poe and a brief reference to past poe/hux. also canonical levels of child abuse and Imperial fuckery.

splinteredstar

No lie, part of the nice thing about the hux fic I'm working on is I can be mean to him and not feel bad

wtf-ktula

I enjoy that also.

splinteredstar

(No lie, one of the running jokes in the headfic is kylo explaining that something, or occasionally someone, "was on fire when we got there

splinteredstar

(The fact that it's not always an excuse makes poe question his life choices)

splinteredstar

Part of the fun of this squad is, well. This squad consists of: kylo, the most Skywalkery Skywalker that has ever skywalked; rey, a Skywalker in every way that matters; hux, who would be the most over the top and zero - chill person in the galaxy if not for his husband; and poe, the walking personification of the phrase "hold my beer and watch this"

splinteredstar

The amount of chaos and insanity that they manage to find and/or generate is. Substantial

wtf-ktula

The chaos is what makes it so good, though!!

I love that being married to Kylo has tempered Hux somewhat. It's so fascinating.

splinteredstar

Well, I meant that "kylo is the only person more extra than hux" but that is also true

splinteredstar

Hux is - mellow isn't the right word, but marriage does introduce the concepts of "other people matter" and "morals" to his brain

And a functioning relationship and people who don't hate him and/or use him is good for his mental health. So he doesn't have to resort to horrifically unhealthy coping mechanisms

The squad is a much better space for both of them, but hux - hux gets taken off guard by it. He can - relax, a bit, lose some of the ever present tension

But it does take a while

08/12/2017

wtf-ktula

Right, because he's got a drastically different upbringing than everyone else does, I think.

08/13/2017

splinteredstar

Yeah, that's part of it. Plus he's just... it's a pride thing? Not softening, being held off and unaffected.

splinteredstar

I mean. No one there had a functional childhood aside from Poe (and god, does he know it some days) but they're all fucked up in different ways

splinteredstar

....one of the other running jokes is hux talking absently and casually about horrific things in his childhood and poe not /quite/ sure if he's fucking with them or not

splinteredstar

Like hux off hand mentioning one day that he killed a classmate in the officers academy and poe boggling at him. "What, was that not a requirement in the Republican schools?" Hux says, politely curious.

splinteredstar

Part of Poe's problem is that hux finds his shock and "delicate republican sensibilities" /hilarious/ and so at least, oh, 50% of the time he /is/ fucking with Poe

splinteredstar

Plus hux has god's own poker face, and a sense of humor that is both very dry and very vicious

splinteredstar

(Poe gets it, he does, and the fact that hux feels secure enough to joke around is a /good/ thing, plus it is funny as hell when he's not on the receiving end of it. Just. What the hell, man)

08/13/2017

wtf-ktula

Oh, I love that intensely.

splinteredstar

Related running joke is hux being politely confused that they don't teach things like poison detection or torture in republican officers academy.

splinteredstar

Upon reflection it's /probably/ hux being slightly defensive about being raised in the outer regions - so he acts like it's the republic that doesn't have proper schools

splinteredstar

But it is also funny as hell

wtf-ktula

Yeah, I totally buy he's defensive about being raised in the outer regions.

splinteredstar

Poe has also figured out that hux usually breaks that stuff out when he's feeling insufficient or out of control - it's a means of managing his impression on people. Having power over people by dictating their reactions.

(He only reminds people that he's a monster when the other option is "victim")

So Poe plays along.

wtf-ktula

Aaaahhhhhh yes yes yes so much that.

splinteredstar

I think in one timeline - one of the ones closer to the canon time frame - poe comes across something hux had mentioned in that context and is just like "damn it, I thought hux was joking."

splinteredstar

"No, I meant that."

"....so the thing with the spiders..."

"/That/ time I was fucking with you." A beat. "Scorpions were found to be more effective."

".....goddamn it, hux."

Poe just throws up his hands and walks off.

(Hux just snickers)

08/13/2017

wtf-ktula

Hahaha. Poor Poe... Every day is a special kind of trial.

splinteredstar

He regularly wonders how this is his life

08/13/2017

wtf-ktula

And yet he would miss them if they're gone.

splinteredstar

Like, in the headfic. Poe is....conflicted over hux tbh

wtf-ktula

Oh man, yeah, of course Poe is conflicted.

splinteredstar

Cause like. Hux is funny in an asshole kind of way, and damned useful on a ship. He's also self serving and callous and incapable of understanding emotions, his own or anyone else's.

wtf-ktula

Hux is the kind of guy you'd want stranded with you on a deserted island, but only if you had enough food.

splinteredstar

Yeah, pretty much.

wtf-ktula

Because he can build a shelter and build a boat and protect from animals but you also know damn well that if you run out of food, he wouldn't think twice about hitting you over the head with a rock in your sleep.

splinteredstar

slowly Poe - starts to notice things. The casual references to things that would be termed child abuse in the republic. The snarling defensiveness to cover up weakness, the obsession over being useful. The complete lack of functional coping mechanisms.

wtf-ktula

(that's one of my fav things about your headfic... Hux not realizing that the things he went through are child abuse, and just mentioning them like they're normal. Or funny.)

splinteredstar

Yeah, it's a thing. Poe may or may not be a bit of an expert in first order culture by the end of this tbh

Cause like.

And this is a "I grew up in a semi isolated religous and political movement" thing here

splinteredstar

It feels really damn normal from the inside

wtf-ktula

That makes sense. Like, it has to feel normal or it doesn't work.

splinteredstar

Everyone I've talked to who's been through the same things is like "wait, you guys can??? That's a thing that you can just...do?" Over one thing or another

And the order defines itself as Not The Republic

So obviously the Republican method is wrong and leads to weak wills. The order raises it's children Properly

wtf-ktula

Obviously.

Look at what a mess Kylo was when he came to them.

Obviously an issue with the way he was raised.

Look at the change that Hux's first order influence has had on him.

splinteredstar

...another running joke tbh is that kylo has no idea what a normal republican childhood was like

splinteredstar

Also, insert joke about hux "whipping him into shape" here

splinteredstar

I say joke, except I've definitely read that fic

wtf-ktula

I kinda feel like I have too, haha.

splinteredstar

I've read at least two about hux really liking ren in a uniform but I'd have to dig them out

splinteredstar

But yeah. Fucked up situations and societies look normal from the inside. They look sensible. That's part of why so much effort is expended to discredit the outside, ya know? As long as you don't have hard data it's easier to keep the illusion.

Of course that's normal. Why wouldn't it be normal?

splinteredstar

And off to the side, poe makes increasingly distressed faces

splinteredstar

Oh, speaking of.

And this is specifically a US joke

splinteredstar

In the us public school system, it is expected that every student will pledge allegiance to the flag every morning. Legally it's not required but they never actually tell us that

splinteredstar

There is a particular cadence to it and everyone does it in unison.

splinteredstar

And most students, even years after graduating, can do the pledge with the exact cadence and in unison with anyone else doing it

I have been told by people who are not in the US that this is Creepy As Hell.

splinteredstar

So there's a gag somewhere in the original timeline that hux, phasma, and Finn do the pledge of the first order - in unison, with the proper rhythm, totally from memory

And poe is just like "okay but what the fuck"

Kylo just sort of nods. "Gotta admit, never got used to that...."

wtf-ktula

We used to sing the Canadian anthem before class, but it's not the same as the pledge.

Can confirm the pledge is creepy from the outside.

splinteredstar

Yeah, I'll bet. It's pretty wtf as an adult. But as a kid it's just a thing they make us do, ya know?

(I...honestly based the order pledge on the us pledge)

wtf-ktula

Right, and everybody is doing it, so it's normal.

splinteredstar

Yep.

splinteredstar

So like. Poe kind of hates hux on a moral level. But everything he hears about the first order makes him a little more - he'd never say he's sorry for hux, especially not to his face. But he - no kid should go through some of that, ya know?

Poe cares too much. Even for dicks

wtf-ktula

Exactly, yeah. And Poe has empathy for people, he understands that lots of people didn't have choices. I mean, he understands Finn.

splinteredstar

Yeah. And fucked up societies fuck up /everyone/ in them

Some people get it worse than others, but no one escapes

wtf-ktula

Exactly.

splinteredstar

And Hux is not a functional person. He's just...not.

So poe is like. Shit I want to help him but. Mass murderer.

splinteredstar

Besides, finding a means of helping that hux won't reject out of hand is its own challenge

wtf-ktula

Yeah, if Hux can see that Poe is trying to help, he'll pretty much burn everything with fire to prevent Poe from helping.

He doesn't need help. He's fine. He especially doesn't need help from someone raised in the Republic.

splinteredstar

Poe has often called this squad "a learning experience"

splinteredstar

I mean, he normally calls them his flock of murder ducklings. But also learning experience.

splinteredstar

Eventually hux...relaxes around poe. As much as he relaxes around anyone. Poe becomes a known quantity and not a threat.

splinteredstar

Hux will never admit to liking him. But.

splinteredstar

Context. Rey is the adopted daughter of wedge Antilles and Luke. (She takes the name Antilles.) Wedge is related in some nebulous way to Shera Bey, Poe's mom.

splinteredstar

The rebellion is a tangle of blood family, official and unofficial adopted family, blood oaths and life debts.

splinteredstar

Hux once tried to figure out how much of the rebellion he's now related to by marriage, but stopped when his head started to hurt

(The answer is "most of it")

splinteredstar

(He can't decide how he feels about that.)

heyktula

Omg, his poor head. That is a /lot/ of new relations.

I've always liked the tangle of the rebellion.

It just really speaks to found family.

splinteredstar

Yeah. And I think that's something hux.... doesn't know how to deal with.

Family means "brendol" to him. It means obligation and restraint, it means someone having control over him

heyktula

It means never being good enough.

splinteredstar

And now he has 30+ new relatives who already have reason to hate him

splinteredstar

(Not least of which, poe, who insists that fourth cousins by marriage or whatever they are totally counts)

splinteredstar

(Poe insists on it mostly because it makes hux's eye twitch a bit)

heyktula

Ahahaha, Poe.

splinteredstar

Also, since iirc Antilles was Leia's mom's maiden name, kylo and Rey are related in two different directions

heyktula

Oh man, I didn't know that!!

splinteredstar

I think so. It's an eu detail. But yes, Breha Antilles

splinteredstar

Hux has no idea what kind of fourth dimensional tangle he's married into, okay.

heyktula

Kylo is just gonna be all *shrug* "it's complicated, whatever" and Hux will be so stressed over trying to figure out how everyone is related.

splinteredstar

"I'm sorry, i thought you knew my family was a speeder wreck when you married me."

heyktula

"I /told/ you my family was a speeder wreck before you married me, and regularly thereafter"

splinteredstar

Hux honestly thought kylo was exaggerating. Kylo was not. (For once)

heyktula

Hahahaha. The one time Kylo doesn't exaggerate.

splinteredstar

So yes. "Hux married into the rebellion" is both true and funny as hell

heyktula

It's just so messy and he's so not that person.

splinteredstar

"Rey takes them in with a nod. “Good,” she says. She plunks her tray down. “All right. Good.” She pivots. “Now, Kylo, we need to talk about your taste in men.”

Pfffhahaa. I just realized that scene is echoed in the head fic

heyktula

I feel like that is a very common thing for Rey to say to Kylo in verses where they're speaking to each other lmao.

splinteredstar

Everyone judges kylo's taste in men

splinteredstar

Even bail is like. "Is it too soon to tell my grandson I just met that I have A Concern."

heyktula

Hahahaha, poor Bail.

heyktula

I think one of the things I love in your headfic is that everyone can be like "Kylo, I have A Concern" while also recognizing "yikes, could you imagine Kylo without his husband LET'S NOT"

splinteredstar

Heee, thanks! And yes, that is one of the fun bits. What was Poe's line? As a couple, the total risk they introduce to the galaxy goes /down/.

heyktula

Which is kind of shocking in a way. But they balance each other out.

splinteredstar

Yeah..... Poe also complains that the stability of that marriage may not surprise him, but it does sometimes offend him. "People that terrible shouldn't have that happy of a marriage," he mutters, trying to block out kylo looking smug

splinteredstar

...I need to find a comic. Gimme a second

splinteredstar

This is a reddit link but it's got all the series between the post and the first comment

https://amp.reddit.com/r/xkcd/comments/2dowkt/the_journal_series/

splinteredstar

http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/e/e8/no_one_must_know.png

Basically any of the ones with those two are how I do kylux

heyktula

Omg, I didn't know that there were repeating characters in xkcd

heyktula

My mind is blown.

splinteredstar

Just a few of them tbh

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/journal_5.png

heyktula

These comics are so much better in the arc omg.

splinteredstar

But that's the ship right there

heyktula

That is totally and completely the ship.

splinteredstar

Also sometimes they pick really terrifying pet names for each other. Partially because it's funny to see everyone's reactions.

splinteredstar

My monster, horrible beast, murderer, those sorts of things

splinteredstar

Mixed in with the most saccharine bullshit they can think of

Hux and kylo are like. 25% of the time just straight up trolling people

heyktula

And I love that about them, because I don't feel that jokes were a major part of their lives prior to having each other.

I mean, it's dark humour.

But it's still humour.

splinteredstar

They get to /play/ with each other.

heyktula

Exactly! And I don't think they felt like they could have that before.

splinteredstar

also, related, but hux is /absolutely/ the guy who, when watching a movie, would critique the accuracy of /everything/

splinteredstar

ya know what, fuck it, that's headfic canon now. poe decided to throw a movie night. something about cultural exchange and sharing experiences. he'd even tracked down some order produced films!

splinteredstar

and hux would not keep his goddamned mouth shut.

splinteredstar

ten minutes into a classic clone wars era film.... "That is a highly inefficient ship choice for that amount of troops, and that blaster wasn't produced until three years after the war."

splinteredstar

Kylo sighs loudly. Hux shoots him a look. "Kylo, you spent twenty minutes explaining sith history to me because The Advent of the Darkness used the wrong symbols, you have no right to comment."

splinteredstar

fortunately, after a couple of drinks, the commentary turns from simple correction to vicious - and hilarious - mockery. Poe, and soon, Rey play devil's advocate and try to come up with valid, in-universe explanations for why the historical details are actually accurate.

splinteredstar

winning examples include "they're secretly transporting refugees and that's why their ship is so big" "they're an elite squad testing experimental weapons" "they were caught in a time loop and only just escaped to the normal flow of time"

splinteredstar

related: hux knows way too much about what blood splatter should look like. he and kylo get into an extended discussion about what weapon might cause the particular kind of splatter the movie showed.

splinteredstar

All in all, Poe decides the night was a success.

splinteredstar

....okay unrelated but I'm at lunch and a woman just walked by. Shirt had a sports logo and said "I married into this"

And my first thought was poe getting one of those with the starbird of the rebellion for hux

heyktula

YES

Omg, Hux's face when Poe gives it to him.

splinteredstar

"Where did you even-"

"Had it made custom."

splinteredstar

Poe is grinning. Hux...stares for a while and them walks away

splinteredstar

Poe's quite proud of himself. It's not often he gets hux to blue screen.

splinteredstar

Kylo, of course, finds it /hilarious/

splinteredstar

That's kind of a quirk of the squad dynamics. Kylo and Hux are a unit, but if someone else in the squad is giving one of them shit they're as likely to join in as they are to shut it down

splinteredstar

It's a - they can tell, when things tip over from friendly teasing to things that actually matter. They know where the boundary lines are.

splinteredstar

As long as it stays on one side and not the other... it's a free for all.

(They both know the other can take anything thrown at him, and refuses to insult him by giving him less)

Today at 1:56 PM

heyktula

That's one of the things I love most about the headfic dynamics tbh.

There's just so much opportunity for give and take and /play/ that they wouldn't normally have had.

heyktula

And since it's canon divergent but still in the canon universe, /they know they didn't used to have this/.

splinteredstar

Yeah, they get to - fuck around and play fight and be stupidly in love with each other and - know how impossible that is. They're safe and they remember not being safe

splinteredstar

They're happy and they know how precious that is

heyktula

It's this second chance they are hugely conscious of having.

splinteredstar

I'm really glad you're enjoying this verse!

Today at 4:46 PM

heyktula

I really am!! The timetravel and everyone working together just leads to so much interesting character stuff.

splinteredstar

I feel like I should mention that headfic squad shows up in my mental landscape for whatever fic i'm reading at the time

which has on a few occasions lead to my hux chatting with foxtrot!ben and asking if he'd be particularly jealous if kylo just went ahead and killed snoke now.

"He can bring back something as a trophy if you'd like," Hux adds.

splinteredstar

"Oh god, please don't get some guy arrested, you guys probably have the same genetics," squad!Poe groans

splinteredstar

Hux rolls his eyes. "This isn't the first time we've gotten rid of a body, Dameron."

heyktula

Ahahahahaha that is fantastic.

heyktula

I love this so much.

splinteredstar

I have nothing else in my brain for it, but that exchange amuses me nonetheless.

heyktula

It amuses me too!

splinteredstar

Though now that I'm thinking about it, fotxtrot!ben is probably thinking "I am deeply alarmed and also somewhat aroused"

heyktula

Both those things. Definitely both those things.

splinteredstar

i just realized that poe has become the slightly exhausted parent trying to curtail the damage done by children. "Look, I know I can't stop you from committing murder, but at least promise me you'll be responsible about it."

splinteredstar

(to be fair, if it were anyone other than Snoke, he would try a whole lot harder to herd his murder ducklings away from murder.)

splinteredstar

on that note, foxtrot and squad poes can probably swap tips on caretaker fatigue

heyktula

If anybody deserves a murder, it's Snoke. Ffs.

Oh god, can they ever.

Foxtrot!Poe has been dealing with caregiver fatigue for so long he doesn't know how to function without it.

splinteredstar

Hux is not sure how he acquired a second cat

heyktula

Hux is not sure how a lot of things surrounding Kylo have happened, tbh.

heyktula

He won't admit it, but it's maybe not by chance that he moves his evening work from his desk to the couch. And then, eventually, from the couch to the bed.

It's not that he wants Kylo to be comfortable.

But, you know, there's warm head in your lap comfortable, vs warm body pressed up against the length of your legs AND head in your lap comfortable.

splinteredstar

Kylo is not fooled

And just smiles into his leg

heyktula

It's just... it's nice. The cuddling. It's warm and comfortable and nice.

splinteredstar

True fact: in the headfic if kylo is having a bad brain day he will flop onto hux the moment they have any sort of privacy

^the presence of the rest of the squad counts as private enough

splinteredstar

Hux sitting at the table, drinking coffee and writing a report - looks down and raises his eyebrows at the warm lump now occupying his feet

heyktula

It's grounding for Kylo. Just.... being close, and touching Hux, because he knows Hux isn't going anywhere.

Hux starts stashing a pillow and a blanket near places he usually works, just so Kylo is comfortable.

splinteredstar

Poe walks by, stops, and stares. Starts to make a blow job joke and then shuts his mouth when hux glares bloody murder at him

splinteredstar

Okay so earlier I said kylo's wedding scar was under his collar bone but let's be real it's over his heart

heyktula

OF COURSE IT IS

heyktula

.... Does Hux have a wedding scar or similar?

splinteredstar

...ya know, I don't think so. He wears the ring on his dogtags, and kylo's not as into slicing as he is to being sliced

Yesterday at 7:18 PM

heyktula

This does not surprise me at all.

Today at 10:12 AM

heyktula

Yeah, exactly.

Hey, question for you.

Does Hux conceptualize of his marriage to Kylo as having formed a family?

splinteredstar

Eeeeeh. Not at first, definitely. It's more of a "apparently I can't live without you??? Wtf, fine"

A partnership

Family - didn't occur to him?

splinteredstar

Like. As a thing he would have

splinteredstar

I don't think he thinks of everyone as his family. He thinks of it as kylo's family that he has to deal with because apparently he loves the ass

splinteredstar

And they've talked about it and neither of them want kids, so...

splinteredstar

It's not that he doesn't know that marriage means a new family for most people. He just - family means blood ties and a network of people who use you for their own gain, family is something you overcome

heyktula

Yeah, that was what I was curious about! (I think, if I remember correctly, I used to think of my husband as family before we had a kid)

splinteredstar

Kylo, and what they have together, is - not that

heyktula

Right, yes, it's a totally different conceptual map for him.

splinteredstar

Rey and finn probably have a similar pov. Families are something that other people have.

splinteredstar

When someone asks after his family it takes him 30 seconds to realize they mean his husband and not his father and then he spends the next two days smoking until he can deal with it

splinteredstar

(kylo is very understanding. "you don't have to consider them your family if you don't want to," he says. He understands, really. Hux is family and not to him, too- something he chose, not something he had to learn to live with. As close as blood, but also something else.)

splinteredstar

(He's not offended that Hux doesn't instinctively think of him as family. He gets it.)

splinteredstar

(hux looks at him and thinks "mine"; he thinks "i need you" and he thinks "i cannot live without you" - there is trust and there is understanding and there is affection and Kylo knows that for Hux, family does not mean any of those things.)

Squad does occasionally joke that hux makes a better sith lord than kylo. (Never in kylo's hearing though)

heyktula

I would not be caught dead even THINKING that in Kylo's hearing

splinteredstar

Even though kylo kinda agrees

splinteredstar

Just cause it's true doesn't mean he wants people /saying/ it

heyktula

exactly, there's a difference between thinking a thing and then having people say the thing

splinteredstar

Hux just sort of - does this lip twitchy thing like he's trying not to smirk, and presses a kiss to Kylo's check and says in his most patronizingly indulgent tone, "it's okay darling, you can be my favorite enforcer."

splinteredstar

And then laughs in Kylo's face when he stomps off to sulk

heyktula

yessssssssssss

splinteredstar

(That night of course, he spends hours marking his love and need into trembling muscles, whispering that kylo is powerful, unstoppable, incredible, he's never seen anything so magnificent - and then, quieter, that he can't live without him, all the power in the galaxy would be ashes without him, that even if he could be the sith lord he wouldn't /want/ it if it meant he lost kylo-)

splinteredstar

(He says "precious boy" and "filthy beast" and "beautiful warrior" in the exact same tone, and kylo loves it, loves it, feels like he lives for those fucking words sometimes-

-but not as much as when hux looks down at him and kisses his forehead and says "/mine/" -

Sometimes he thinks he might okay with being less, if it means he's /his/)

heyktula

yesssssss, this is everything.

Hux being aware of Kylo's weaknesses, and loving him all the same, of kissing and caressing and burning his words right into Kylo's flesh so that Kylo knows he is enough /exactly as he is/.

splinteredstar

and hux legitimately would not want to be a sith lord. and not just of the sour grapes "well the force is dumb anyway" kind of deal

he's... kind of grown fond of the dynamic he has with kylo.

(he admits, several years into a marriage.)

heyktula

there's something to be said for admitting it, even if it took years

splinteredstar

hux gets a card for kylo that says "hi i tolerate your existence which is more than i can say for most people"

heyktula

Kylo blushes but won't admit that's what he's blushing over.

splinteredstar

(Meanwhile, to the side....

Finn: ....is that how romance is supposed to-

Poe: god, no, please never imitate anything they do.

Finn: *thumbs up*)

heyktula

It's such an easy marker, too.

heyktula

"don't do anything they do"

it covers so much stuff.

splinteredstar

Kylo is the best bad example

heyktula

He really is.

splinteredstar

I don't think it quite fits into the current timeline of the headfic, but this is definitely an exchange the squad has had before

Poe: "Your fucking husband. Does he always find the meanest motherfucker in the room and /immediately/ pick a fight with them?"

Kylo: "I mean, that /is/ how we started dating, so...."

splinteredstar

.......

Oh god

Now I'm picturing squad Christmas

heyktula

SQUAD CHRISTMAS

splinteredstar

Literally my first image was Poe with his head in his hands. There's a Christmas tree on fire in the background

heyktula

I mean, would it really be a squad Christmas otherwise.

splinteredstar

Hux: wait, why are there gifts?

Poe: to show the people in our lives we appreciate them.

Hux: I thought that's what birthdays were for.

Poe: we can appreciate people more than once a year

Hux: *dubious expression*

heyktula

(what if twice a year is too much?!?!)

splinteredstar

Poe and kylo are the only ones with any memory of an alliance Christmas, and kylo's are pretty spotty.

Finn and Rey are totally up for it though

heyktula

Omg Finn and Rey will be so cute.

splinteredstar

Its about family, they decide. About celebrating that you are all together and safe and secure.

splinteredstar

Decorating... gets out of hand almost immediately.

Which everyone expected tbh

splinteredstar

Decorating the tree via the force was fun as hell to watch though

splinteredstar

"Wait, I have to get gifts for /everyone/?" Hux grumps.

splinteredstar

"It's okay if you don't want to," Rey assures him, which /immediately/ sets him on a quest to get the Best Gifts. He will /win/ this.

(Rey smirks when he isn't watching)

splinteredstar

Everyone, independently of each other, buys phasma weapons.

splinteredstar

She is okay with this

heyktula

Hux is so easy to manipulate and I love it.

Just picturing Phasma in a Christmas sweater surrounded by weapons.

splinteredstar

She also bought everyone else weapons, so.

Finn and poe got a side arm. Rey and kylo got a knife each. Hux got his preferred blaster.

splinteredstar

I'll have to think about the rest and I need to sleep, but Finn 100% got Rey a plant

heyktula

Yes! A plant!

splinteredstar

It's something sturdy and probably medicinal and it's not showy, it does make big blooms or smell strong... but it survives.

...it may or may not be an aloe as I think about it

heyktula

Aloe is a really good pick!

splinteredstar

Rey burns her hands while fixing things like once a week

heyktula

Of course she does, because it would take literally, like, one more second to fix this even though it's super hot and kind of burning her.

splinteredstar

Must sleep. Will pick this up again on the morning

heyktula

Have a good sleep, dearheart!

Today at 10:08 AM

splinteredstar

Finn gets very thoughtful, helpful gifts.

heyktula

Of course he does. Things to make people's lives easier.

splinteredstar

He gets Rey a plant. He gets phasma a gun similar to a trooper gun.

splinteredstar

Oh god, hux must be the worst to shop for

splinteredstar

Also I can /feel/ Finn considering a really passive aggressive, pointed gift like a book on how to stop smoking

splinteredstar

(There's a long standing thing between them where Finn pulls the over protective medic role and badgers hux about how much he smokes)

heyktula

Finn wouldn't be Finn if he didn't at least consider the book, yes.

splinteredstar

Phasma has seen hux on nicotine withdrawal and thinks Finn trying to make him quit smoking is hilarious

heyktula

.... I'm imagining that right now and it's ugly.

splinteredstar

Hux mutters "you'd think he'd be /happy/ for me to die from hypertension..."

star

Through a series of events I don't know, Squad!hux was referred to as a twink. He is offended by this. "I am not a twink!" He gestures angrily across the room. "/Dameron/ is a twink."

"Damn straight!" Poe shouts back, waving. He leans forward, one hand on his knee. "Though, you know, next to your husband..."

"Everyone looks like a twink next to him, that doesn't count."

Meanwhile, Rey and Finn stare at each other and decide this is cultural context they can figure out later

Ahahahahaha yes, I feel this very much.

Everyone does look like a twink next to Kylo.

Poe wins, though.

star

"I mean, you could go for it." Poe says, making a show of looking hux up and down. "Bit tall, and the glare is a bit much, but you /could/ make it work." Poe taps his chin. "Might have to lose the side burns though."

Hux glares at him, which admittedly has never worked on poe, but still.

Poe grins. "Come on, Hux. Embrace the twink! Do what comes naturally to you!"

"The last time I did that, I received a three hour lecture on the precise definitions of war crimes."

(Hux doesn't think there's anything wrong with being a twink. But he knows how they're regarded, and wants no part of that unless necessary. He had his time of looking harmless to survive, thank you.)

(Men always expected him to be /sweet/)

Oh, I bet he cherishes that his husband never expects that of him.

star

Absolutely. It's one of the things he loves about kylo tbh.

Plus, his sideburns. He really likes them.

star

Finn can't stand it any more. "I don't know what any of those words mean."

Poe looks over and his face - drops, tangles into awkwardness. Hux laughs at him

"I think this one is for you, Dameron, unless you'd like me to be in charge of their cultural education?"

Poe covers his eyes with one hand and makes a rude gesture at Hux with the other.

ktula

Ahahahahaha.

Poor Poe, having to take the choice between being responsible for explaining and letting Hux do it lolsob.

star

Hux doesn't want to explain either but it's funny to pretend

ktula

.... Does Poe know Hux is bluffing with his offer to explain?

splinteredstar

...hm. maybe. But calling hux's bluff is a risky business - he is fueled by spite

ktula

And especially when the topic is veering into sexual territory.

Star

This might be squad but its not... canon. Like. Two years into a kylux marriage. Poe is a bit drunk with hux and Finn and phasma are drinking water. They might be in resistance barracks. And poe starts telling the story of this pissy officer he slept with when he was in the academy -

-and then he catches the dawning horror on hux's face

OH MY GOD

Star

Silence for a moment. Hux takes a very deliberate drink.

I'm dying.

Star

"Let's never speak of this."

Poe's head is in his hands. Phasma falls off her chair laughing. "Great, as long as you keep your husband with abandonment issues from strangling me"

I'm imagining the look on Hux's face and it's great.

Star

Hux takes another drink. "Agreed."

Poor Poe! "hey what about that hilarious story when I.... oh fuck"

Star

This is, of course, when kylo "I have an inferiority complex the size of a death star and have been jealous of poe since I was seven" walks in

Hux and Ren have a long conversation about this.

Ren is reassured, eventually

It it involves some bruises tbh

I'm glad they work it out.

I can see that being an instant sore spot for Ren.

Star

It is. He's not jealous of hux's former partners... but /poe/

Yeah, I'm sure if you put anybody else's name in there, it wouldn't have tripped a red alert for Ren.

Star

Pretty much.

And, I mean, if I were Ren, I'd be sensitive to that forever.

Star

Yeah.

Poe just doesn't want to die

Fair! I'd be concerned if I were him too.

Star

Ren does glare at him for a while tho

Star

Fixing up ren's arm is a... intimacy thing. Hux won't let anyone else work on it

Hux will settle against his husband's side with the half assembled arm in his lap. "Tell me if you can feel that," he says, prodding at a receptor with a screwdriver. "Tickles," Ren says

Ren's face half buried in hux's hair, smiling.

Also: "Ren. I am directly interacting with your nervous system. Stop licking my ear."

Aaaaahhhhh yes please. I love this.

Star

....oh. that's what that sensation is like. Hello, brain hux, I appreciate that you probably have murdered someone for terrible filing systems

Of course he had. How's he supposed to do his job when he's surrounded by incompetency?

Star

Someone who built /that/ couldn't possibly be any use to the order

"You're such a /nerd/," kylo teases him affectionately.....now I'm picturing squad hux in imperial Era finding someone who designed a particularly annoying and wide spread system and kylo trying to talk hux out of decking the guy

(Ship appeal: hux is exactly as furious and down to fight as kylo, he just uses different methods.)

Ahahahaha yes.

Star

"Darling, look. I'll capture him for you, let's just wait until after the party, okay?"

Timing is important.

Star

Kylo has a very weird concept of romantic gestures