splinteredstar: (bowie)
My mom, as some of you know, is a breast cancer survivor.

She had a mammogram today. There were "unusual results" - some spots. It's early, if it's anything, but...

She's going in for a biopsy this week.

The fuck went wrong with this month.
splinteredstar: (Sebastian)
I think the anticipation for the new semester is starting to get to me - the stress, the staring at the ceiling until four a.m. because I can't sleep for nerves. Oversleeping because I don't want to face the new day. Not wanting to sleep because my dreams are vivid and gripping and leave me confused as to which bits were dream and which bits were memory. Going around with a headache because the images in my dreams refuse to get out of my head. Wondering if I'm starting to slip towards losing it again - wondering if normal people have stray thoughts about whether or not their pets have been replaced by android spies, if other people feel like the inside of their head is full of fog.

It's been a weird day, if you haven't noticed. I get into these moods, sometimes - when feels like sanity is a little weaker - when I start wondering if I'm not just hallucinating everything, dreaming while standing up. I can usually defeat it with logic - but I worry for the day when logic isn't enough. It's a delicate balance, keeping myself insulated from the world enough to be able to stand it at all (Watch me in a crowded store without my headphones sometime. I twitch.) and yet not so removed that I forget about reality, so removed that the world is gone.

My brainmeats are complicated.
splinteredstar: (Default)

When I put in my housing application  for college, I requested a private room because I am a twitchy turtle who likes a lot of alone time. I have also never had to share my room ever, and thus did not want to have to start with a complete stranger in a situation that I was already insanely nervous about.

Guess what? 

I have a roommate.

...oh no.

It shouldn't be a big deal and I know it. But I'm naturally and naturally antisocial and the idea of having to share my room with someone is terrifying. Just the idea of Living with someone other than my family is terrifying. I can only tolerate face-to-face contact with my best friends for about an hour or so before I want to hide. How the hell am I going to handle sharing my room with someone? What if she hates me? What if I hate her?  What if she snoops through my stuff or mucks with my computer? What if she's loud and I don't have anywhere to hide? 

This will not end well...

If there's anyone reading this that has had to deal with roomates...advice plz? How do I keep it from getting all miserable? 


splinteredstar: (Default)

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